Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of drilling for oil in one family's back garden has been perpetrated by ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

The Mail can reveal that ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Ian Dunkin-Donuts said of the ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.".