Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of looting and pillaging supermarkets has been perpetrated by Al Qu’aeda bosses.

The Mail can reveal that Al Qu’aeda bosses are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jeremy Clarkson said of the Al Qu’aeda bosses, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".