The Mail has learned that anarchist leaders "the elders" are responsible for causing cancer.

Has the world gone mad? Anarchist leaders "the elders" are causing cancer with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to George Osborne, who said "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s."