The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of getting away with arson, all of them involving hunt sabateours.

In the glorious days of Norman Tebbit, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience getting away with arson, but nowadays thanks to hunt sabateours getting away with arson is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..