Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of squatting houses left empty by families on holiday has been perpetrated by unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

The Mail can reveal that unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Angela Merkel said of the unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace, "was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!".