The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of squatting houses left empty by families on holiday, all of them involving the politically correct Islington lefties.

In the glorious days of Jonathan Aitkin, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience squatting houses left empty by families on holiday, but nowadays thanks to the politically correct Islington lefties squatting houses left empty by families on holiday is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..