Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament has been perpetrated by gangs of black youths.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of black youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

James May said of the gangs of black youths, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".