Guardian-reading do-gooders have been reading the works of Karl Marx the Mail can exclusively reveal.

How long can this political correctness gone mad be tolerated by British people?

An unnamed source said of Guardian-reading do-gooders, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

Guardian-reading do-gooders made no comment about the accusations when we didn’t ask.