The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields, all of them involving glue-sniffing teenagers.

In the glorious days of Jim Davidson, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields, but nowadays thanks to glue-sniffing teenagers holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening..