Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of plotting the overthrow both of the British state and our way of life has been perpetrated by anarchist leaders "the elders".

The Mail can reveal that anarchist leaders "the elders" are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Theresa May said of the anarchist leaders "the elders", "read my lips; no new taxes".