The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists, all of them involving Twitter users.

In the glorious days of Angela Merkel, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists, but nowadays thanks to Twitter users using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..