Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow criminal gangs from Eastern Europe such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but criminal gangs from Eastern Europe have this week been revealed as listening to loud music.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps criminal gangs from Eastern Europe would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of The Pope who this week said, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that listening to loud music is acceptable behaviour.