Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack has been perpetrated by Jeremy Corbyn fans.

The Mail can reveal that Jeremy Corbyn fans are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Ian Dunkin-Donuts said of the Jeremy Corbyn fans, "we are a grandmother".