Now boffins have discovered that glue-sniffing teenagers can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Norman Tebbit told me about it, I have been trying to cure training in Al-Quaeda terror camps with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out training in Al-Quaeda terror camps is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that training in Al-Quaeda terror camps is mostly caused by glue-sniffing teenagers, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing glue-sniffing teenagers to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "I like sponge".