Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of listening to loud music has been perpetrated by Corbynites.

The Mail can reveal that Corbynites are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Mr I.P.Freely of Tunbridge Wells said of the Corbynites, "the day of the yob is upon us".