The Mail has learned that louts are responsible for burning policemen at the stake.

Has the world gone mad? Louts are burning policemen at the stake with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Conservative head office, who said "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s."