The Mail has learned that Guardian-reading do-gooders are responsible for squatting houses left empty by families on holiday.

Has the world gone mad? Guardian-reading do-gooders are squatting houses left empty by families on holiday with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Vince Cable, who said "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets."