Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of assisting asylum seekers has been perpetrated by Islamist youths.

The Mail can reveal that Islamist youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Some bloke in the pub said of the Islamist youths, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".