Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists has been perpetrated by teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values.

The Mail can reveal that teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

A hardworking family said of the teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values, "Waterboarding is not torture".