Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of helping so-called migrants has been perpetrated by ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

The Mail can reveal that ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Richard Littlejohn said of the ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".