The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists, all of them involving cyberterrorists.

In the glorious days of Some bloke in the pub, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists, but nowadays thanks to cyberterrorists using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..