Conservative head office has today said "Waterboarding is not torture".

Speaking at Alton Towers Conservative head office’s comments come in a week that has seen ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy involved in assisting asylum seekers on an ever more frequent basis.

Conservative head office’s comments are both brave and perceptive. In a country where children as young as five are regularly exposed to ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy it is about time that someone had the guts to stand up and tell the truth. Ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy and the liberal communist atheist society that spawns them must be eliminated.