The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of plotting to kidnap a senior royal, all of them involving ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

In the glorious days of Richard Littlejohn, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience plotting to kidnap a senior royal, but nowadays thanks to ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy plotting to kidnap a senior royal is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less..