The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, all of them involving ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

In the glorious days of An unnamed source, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, but nowadays thanks to ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less..