Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of admiring Jeremy Corbyn has been perpetrated by paedophiles.

The Mail can reveal that paedophiles are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Michael Howerd said of the paedophiles, "the lady’s not for turning".