The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of looting and pillaging supermarkets, all of them involving unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

In the glorious days of Jim Davidson, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience looting and pillaging supermarkets, but nowadays thanks to unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace looting and pillaging supermarkets is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..