The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of urinating on the Union Jack, all of them involving gangs of children, some still in their prams.

In the glorious days of Vince Cable, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience urinating on the Union Jack, but nowadays thanks to gangs of children, some still in their prams urinating on the Union Jack is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood..