Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of engaging in steamy sex romps has been perpetrated by lesbians.

The Mail can reveal that lesbians are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Manning said of the lesbians, "the day of the yob is upon us".