The Mail has learned that homosexuals are responsible for using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists.

Has the world gone mad? Homosexuals are using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Conservative head office, who said "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals."