The Mail has learned that Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum are responsible for injecting crack into primary school children.

Has the world gone mad? Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum are injecting crack into primary school children with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Ian Dunkin-Donuts, who said "new Age travellers? Not in this age. Not in any age. Let others speak for these New Age travellers. We will speak for their victims."