The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of ripping off hard working families, all of them involving glue-sniffing teenagers.

In the glorious days of Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience ripping off hard working families, but nowadays thanks to glue-sniffing teenagers ripping off hard working families is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..