The Mail has learned that miners, bent on revenge are responsible for drilling for oil in one family's back garden.

Has the world gone mad? Miners, bent on revenge are drilling for oil in one family's back garden with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Nicolas Sarkozy, who said "As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood."