The Mail has learned that Guardian-reading do-gooders are responsible for engaging in steamy sex romps.

Has the world gone mad? Guardian-reading do-gooders are engaging in steamy sex romps with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Bernard Manning, who said "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals."