The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of causing cancer, all of them involving unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

In the glorious days of David Cameron, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience causing cancer, but nowadays thanks to unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace causing cancer is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..