The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of drilling for oil in one family's back garden, all of them involving glue-sniffing teenagers.

In the glorious days of Boris Johnson, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience drilling for oil in one family's back garden, but nowadays thanks to glue-sniffing teenagers drilling for oil in one family's back garden is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids..