Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of selling heroin to the unions has been perpetrated by the poor.

The Mail can reveal that the poor are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Manning said of the the poor, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".