The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of drilling for oil in one family's back garden, all of them involving louts.

In the glorious days of Amanda Platell, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience drilling for oil in one family's back garden, but nowadays thanks to louts drilling for oil in one family's back garden is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is We are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense..